A Narrative Learning Story

Writing a Narrative Learning Story

Success Criteria	We are learning to entertain an audience with a captivating narrative.
I have the key parts of a narrative. *Beginning -hook -setting -character introduction *Middle -problem arising -character development *Ending -resolution I have included -Interesting descriptive words -A variety of sentence types -Paragraphs that show how I’m organizing the narrative.	Once upon a time there was a seed.  It wasn't an ordinary seed.  No one knew this seed existed but then one day a lady saw something on the ground.  It was small, like an ant but a bit bigger. She picked it up and said, ‘’I'm going to plant this.’’  For weeks she watered the seed and gave it sunlight.  Then one day she came to give it water but right before she stepped outside she saw a big plant.  She screamed, then said, ‘’Bye Falisha.’’  Then she heard crying.  She looked behind her.  The plant was crying and it said, ‘’I'm lonely.  I want to play hide and seek.’’  The lady said, ‘’Well, my kids are here so you can play with them.’’  The plant said, “Ok.”  She said, “She is a professional hide and seeker.”  After she played 4 rounds and won all of them.  The next day, it was so hot she gave Rose the plant 20 glasses of water so they decided to go to the beach.  When they got there, they got out of the car.  “Don't go too far.  Stay where I can see you.”  When she got out of the car with Rose, she could not see them.  She was worried.  She yelled their names for hours and hours but she couldn’t find them so they put flyers up but the kids had been swallowed by a whale. They were in there for 3 days and 3 nights.  Then they felt the whale rumble and they got blown out of the blowhole and right on the soft sand.  They walked home.  It wasn't far.  It was right across the road and when they knocked on the door the mom answered.  She hugged them and she said, “Where were you guys?  We looked all over for you!  Where the heck were you?”  The kids said, “We were stuck in a whale.  It was so boring and dark.”  The mum said, “Sure, but it is getting late so go have a quick shower and go to bed.”  When they finally fell asleep they heard a noise and woke up.  It sounded like a moan.  Then they looked under the bed.  It was the bogeyman!  They ran to their mum’s room and slept there.  When they woke up the mum said, “Happy birthday!”  Then they said, “We forget it was our birthday.”  Then they opened their gifts.  They each got a grow your own dragon.  Then they got a guitar and they got a new phone.  It was a iphone.  They were so happy, they thanked the mum and said, “I love you so much.”
My next steps:	Next time I’m writing a narrative, I will be thinking about more detail and explanation of my characters.

This is what someone else noticed about my learning:

Likalia says this is good but you need more interesting words

This is what my teacher noticed about my learning:

Susana, there is a lot of interesting ideas that you’ve included in this story.  I like the way you’ve tried to weave these in.  You’ve got a lonely plant, a game of hide and seek, a whale, and the bogeyman.  I wonder if there’s a way to put these ideas together in a story in a way that keeps your readers with you.  I got a bit confused and lost track as I was reading.   You made a really great effort to include full stops in the right places and add speech marks when people were talking.  This helps your readers.   It would also be helpful if you split the different parts of your narrative into paragraphs.  Then your readers will know when you’re moving on to another part.   You’ve used lots of language that helps to track through the story, for example, ‘then, so they, the next day, they were, when they, then they.  All of these sentence starters keep the interest going.